I Will Never Let You Know
by Lizzyymerder
Summary: So this is partly AU but some aspects of the storyline will be present, this story is going to be Rayna and Deacon through and through but there are going to be challenges before we get there. I always liked jealous Deacon so there will be a bit of that, angst, drama all the good things as well. Give it chance!
1. Chapter 1

Hey Y'all, so this is my first attempt at writing Fan Fiction. This story has always played in the back of my mind ever since Nashville first aired, I love all the characters but Rayna and Deacon are the couple for me. Also as warning to those who will read this.. I like drama, angst and jealousy in fic'c so you can count on all those listed to be present. There will be fluff so bare with me, anyway better get to it. Let me know what you think it keeps me inspired to write! Also disclaimer non of the characters are my own , all belong to Callie and the write of Nashville ABC!

 _Italics_ are a stream of consciousness of the characters, rest is told in 3rd person.

Deacon stood with Stacy and Maddie gazing to the stage as Rayna owned every part of that song. That song. The one her and Deacon had wrote together all those years ago. It was difficult for him to watch her perform it with someone else. No that was a lie, it was difficult for him to watch Rayna perform it with Liam. It was the intimacy of it all that bothered him. They were grinding and smiling and flirting.. all the things he and her used to do. It made him wonder what her intentions were with Liam. Deacon knew they had been working on an album, he heard it through the grape vine as he and Rayna weren't exactly close anymore. In fact he couldnt even recall the last proper conversation they had that hadnt been in a group or wasnt meaningless small talk. He missed her. Plain and simple he missed her. Deacon almost got lost in his thoughts of Rayna when suddendly he heard something that made his blood boil.

"Hey Ya'll I guess he does know the old ones, what do you say Chicago? Shall we?" Rayna was just as shocked as the audience were, when Liam began strumming the chords of Postcards from Mexico, that really was an old one. Deacon's one in fact.

(One day)

I saw him walking

(On the street)

We started talking

(Downtown)

Now im movin'

(In the ring)

Liam couldn't help himself after he had seen the look on Deacon's face after Already Gone, he new this would get under Deacons skin. Liam knew that no matter how much Deacon tried to deny or fight it, he simply couldn't take his eyes of Rayna, Liam wanted nothing more than to take full advantage of that particular audience and so he started moving towards Rayna, grabbing her waist and making her sway to the music. Much to Liam's delight it didn't take any convincing on Rayna's part to join in. _I wonder if she doing this for Deacon. They have so much history already, Oh Rayna if only you knew._ As the song progressed so did the grinding and body contact, at one point there were multiple wolf whistles coming from back stage. _She really is something special, I can see why he fell for you._ As the song grew to a close Liam's confidence with Rayna was in full force and he figure now was as good a time as any to see just how far their 'partnership' had grown.

Deacon felt the bloody rushing to his skin, and his nails near enough drawing blood as he clenched his fist while watching Liam making a pass at Rayna. His eyes fixated on the body language between the two, he was desperately trying to catch a glimpse of Rayna's face to read what was going on, she was always able to hide how she was feeling to other people but not to him. He really could read her like a book, all he needed was to see her eyes. Instead Deacon kept drawing his attention to Liam's hand slowly making its way from Rayna's waist , to the small of her back right down to cupping her ass. It took all his restraint not to run up and hook Liam in the face. _Maddie is here, for goodness sake have respect and take your hands off her. She isn't yours to touch._ It was almost as if Luke could hear Deacon loud and clear.

'She ain't yours anymore man, she's fair game' And with that Luke took off on stage as Rayna made her way off , making sure he gave her a wink on his way.

As Rayna walked off she couldn't help but notice that EVERYONE was staring at her. She continued to walk straight to her dressing room , completely boycotting Deacon in the process.

'Bucky, what's going on? Why is everyone staring at me? '

'Well, Ray.. you want me to be honest ?

'… Buck, your scaring me. What's going on?'

' You look happy Ray. Not that fake happy, actually happy up there tonight. I think it just been awhile since people saw that. It was a different energy up there tonight.'

 _It wasn't Deacons energy._

Rayna managed to divert the conversation to discussing her next single and various other political aspects of her music before retiring for the night. As she sat in her dressing room she heard a knock..

'I need a …

Before she new it Liam had already made his way into her dressing room.

'So I figured with all the stress you've been under you could use this' Liam brought a bottle of Jack Daniels with him.

' I don't have any glasses Liam'

' You don't need any, live on the wild side for a bit Rayna. Your getting uptight being around all these industry officials. Loosen up , come on. Please? I promise no funny business, we will get a cab and go straight to out separate hotel rooms. Deal?'

'Deal.'


	2. Chapter 2

Hey! I'm back never meant to have such a long delay in getting this posted but I've had university getting in the way! Big thanks to those who messaged me and the person that reviewed it keeps me motivated to write. Also just to say if you want something to happen let me know and i'll take it into consideration when I'm writing. As always these characters do not belong to me just parts of the story line! Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Rayna couldn't remember if it was the last whiskey shot or the one before that done it, but either way she could definitely say she was drunk. 100% drunk. Her and Liam had been writing songs in this state and she had no idea how, now they were in the processes of going from bar to bar, trying to find one that was still open.

'We should probably head back to the hotel , I have rehearsal tomorrow'

' I think you mean today, its 3am'

'Shut up, shut the hell up?! God time really does fly with you..'

'That last song, I think we should include it in the set list '

'Are you serious? I think its a bit risky for my audience, not sure they will get that sound'

' Rayna, you came to me because you wanted to rediscover your voice and you have.. dont you think its about time you let it out?'

 _He has pretty hair. I wonder what it feels like._ Rayna was far to intoxicated to even discuss buisness or set lists or anything really. But there was this overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be alone, she wasn't sure why but Liam helped her feel less lonely. _Maybe its cause he gets my music. He gets me. He actually gets me._

As they jumped a cab and headed to the hotel Liam felt a pain of sadness ripple through his body at the fact the night was coming to a close. Never did he think he would become so close to a country music star, let alone the Queen of Country Rayna James. He had underestimated her. She continued to surprise him, he just wondered how far this was going to go. _Maybe I should just go for it?_ He was scared. He had no idea what Rayna's intentions or feelings were towards him. Was it purely just business? It couldn't be, there was a spark there and he was sure she felt it too. Or it was the alcohol, but in any case he glanced over to her laughing about something the cab driver said and in that moment seeing her laugh like that he made his decision. He just needed to find the courage to do it.

Deacon couldn't sleep. Stacy said something about him being stressed and not used to all the glitter of Juilette's tour, but it wasn't that and he knew it. All he could think about was Liam. No Not Liam,Rayna. _It always Rayna._ He was angry, because once again he had tried desperately to move on and here she was yet again invading his every thought and movement. Sitting here beside Stacy he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have Rayna there and then Liam crept up into his memory and began to seethe rage. _I cant sleep like this, to hell with it im going on walk. Try and clear my head a little._

Liam attempted desperately to steady Rayna as she stumbled and swayed through the revolving doors. They must have went round several times, laughing like a pair of school children every time they missed the opening. Finally after getting out they burst into fits of laughter.. the type of laughter where your stomach hurts but you cant stop. The kind that makes all your worries and insecurities completely disappear.

'Lord knows I needed tonight, thank you Liam. Really Thank you!'

' It my pleasure Ray.'

 _Ray._ It was so familiar yet, so alien. For a moment Rayna had forgotten about Deacon until this second. That was his name for her. Always just him. It was special, she couldn't articulate it but it was. It meant something when he said it, when he was angry at her he always used her full name and every other time it was 'Ray'.

' You ok? You look lost there..'

Wh- yeh yeh im good, my mind just went somewhere.'

Deacon didn't have to turn the corner to know who was down there. That laugh, he knew it from miles away. He could pick it out of a crowd he knew it that well. _Turn around. Don't go there._ Deacon knew in his head this was a bad idea, it was the back of 3 in the morning so what ever scene he was about to walk and witness he knew was not going to bod well with his heart but he needed to know what she was doing, he needed to know she was safe. Or so he told himself.

Just as Liam was about to say something, a familiar figure caught his eye. _This is it, this is the time. Do it now and show him hes lost her._ Liam etched forward to move a stray hair out of Rayna's face and let his hand linger next to her cheek.

 _This is really happening. Hes really going to try.. do I want him to try?_ Rayna remebered what Tandy had told her ' Rayna its about time you live your life for you, not for your girls, not for Teddy and certainly not for Deacon. You've spent your whole life dictating what you do because of other people. Go and have some fun.' Rayna knew Tandy was right but it still didnt change the overwhelming guilt she felt brewing in the pit of her stomach. _He's with Stacy. He's with Stacy. He's with Stacy._ The more she repeated it the more she repressed her guilt with anger.

Liam figure its now or never, Rayna never laughed or swatted his hand. She stood there staring into his eyes, trembling. He knew she was thinking about Deacon but he also knew she wanted to move on or at least try. _I'm going to give you that chance Rayna._ Liam slowly, not to rush her, leaned in and waited to see if she would pull back or lean back. Rayna did neither she stood screwed to the spot. Liam continued his journey. Etching closer and closer to Rayna's face before colliding with her lips. At first it was tender and slow, taking his time to explore her making sure she was comfortable. Waiting for her to kiss him back , and after a couple of seconds of hesitation she did. That's when he took his opportunity to drop his bag and wrap his arms around her waist , slowly trailing his hand through her hair and up and down her back.

Deacon watched the scene unfold in front of him. He watched as Rayna swayed left and right while trying to say something coherent. He also wanted as Liam moved closer to her, and pushed a stray hair out of her face. _She' s drunk. Really drunk. What the hell is he doing getting her drunk, why is he touching her._ Deep down Deacon knew what was coming next but he felt glued to the spot, like watching a car crash about to happen. It was devastating him. Then it happened. He kissed her. But she kissed him back. Now their kissing each other. Deacon watched as Liams hands moved up and down Rayna's body and through her hair. _That's not how you kiss her. She doesn't like that._ Before he knew it he was charging towards both of them and without a word pushed Liam to the ground and grabbed Rayna's arm while marching into the elevator that was luckily right beside them.

'What the-'

'Deacon! What are you doing?!'

'Move Rayna. Now.'

Without any real struggle Rayna walked while trying to process what had just happened. Where was Liam? What is Deacon doing here? Did she just really kiss Liam? Did she like it?

'Deacon let go of me! What in the hell do you think your doing?!'

'Your drunk Rayna. And your rehearsing in a couple hours.'

' Oooooh right so you felt the need to push Liam to the ground because I have rehearsal tomorrow?! ' How irreponsible. He got you drunk Rayna and is clearly taking advantage'

'Wow wow wow, I think you'll find I agreed to go out for a drink. And you know what Deacon ?'

What Rayna ?!

' Im glad I did, its something I sure as hell couldn't do with you'

And with that Rayna got out the elevator and stormed towards her room, unaware that Deacon was hot on her heels. Oh this is far from over. _You want to go there Rayna, lets go there._


	3. Chapter 3

So I'm back with another chapter! I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far it really does make a difference and motivates me to write more! Anyway time to crack on , side note there will be sex eventually but I believe there needs to be a build up but there will some steamy stuff happen you'll just have to wait and see! Disclaimer: Non of these characters are my own only some of the story line , all credit to Callie Khouri and Nashville writers!

'Deacon, LEAVE.' Rayna was exhausted and drunk, not to mention the hangover she was anticipating she was in no mood to have this argument with him tonight. But Deacon wasn't leaving anytime soon. _You need to hurt him. Hurt him so he will leave._ Rayna knew in her head she should do it but she couldn't hurt him , she never _c_ ould purposely hurt him. But at the moment she definitely didn't want to speak to him.

'Deacon, why are you here? Why do you care what i'm doing? Its absolutely known of you business who or what I do.'

'Rayna we have been friends for twenty years, i'm not about to stand around and watch you get hurt by some ass hole'

' You don't even know him!'

' I know about him! I know he sleeps with anything with a pulse! But apparently you do as well now!' Deacon firmly expected a cold slap, he knew after the words left his mouth that would hit a nerve with Rayna but he was too angry with her to care.

' Excuse me?! Not that its any of your business but I haven't slept with Liam!'

' Yet.' It was like word vomit he just couldn't filter anything in his head, anything he thought was blurted out.

' Leave.'

…

' GET OUT DEACON!' Rayna couldn't believe what he was doing. Why was he so set on hurting her? He was with Stacy they were both trying to move on, why wouldn't he just let her go?

' Rayna please..'

' I don''t get you Deacon , I mean what do you want from me? Do you want me to be miserable?! I'm happy, why cant you just let me be? If you ever cared about me you would let me go. I let you go.'

' Your not happy, you can sit there and tell me till you are blue in the face that you are but Rayna i've known you a lifetime and I can see it in your eyes.'

' Deacon we haven't been friends for a long time. You don't know me anymore so don't try and tell me how I feel!' Rayna knew where this was going, it had happened before. They would go round in circles until someone mustered up the courage to make a move. _No, I cant do this anymore. I cant live like this. Cut him off. Hurt him. Make him leave._

' You need to leave.'

'Rayna, we ain't done talking about this..'

' We don't need to I know where this is going, you made your decision.'

'What decision?!'

' You choose Stacy!' _What is she talking about? Stacy?_ Deacon thought that even Rayna would be able to tell that no-one would ever replace her in his heart. Stacy was a lovely girl and he was content but she wasn't Rayna.

'You choose Teddy!'

' You were an alcoholic! How on earth was I supposed to know that the fifth time in rehab was going to work?! I wanted to marry you, have a life and kids with you. I wanted a life that you could not provide. How many times did I have to have two sets, one for if you were around and sober and another as a back up?! How many times did I spend nights trailing through every bar in the city looking for you? You broke every stick of furniture in my apartment. The amount of times I didn't know if you were drunk or dead, or the times Tandy used to have to come and get me because you were so wasted I was scared to say something to you?! HOW MANY TIMES DEACON DID I HAVE TO GET MY HEARTBROKEN! You never choose me.. not once. So don't you dare come here and say to me I didn't choose you because I did, time and time again and all it ever did was hurt me.'

Deacon couldn't believe what he was hearing, he had known he had hurt her in the past but he had no idea she carried this around with her. He could see it in her eyes, he had devastated her. Completely broken her. He did that. He watched her begin to fall apart, knowing that he had caused it. For the first time ever Deacon was speechless.

So there you go just a quick little chapter! I'm already writing the next part it should be up later tonight so stay tuned and let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

They sat in silence for what seemed like forever, only ever breaking it when Rayna sniffled from crying. Deacon had no idea what to say to her. How could he tell her he never stopped loving her? How could he explain that he had changed? Rayna felt destroyed. Like every wall she spent the last 12 years building against him where all crumbing and she had no control over it. She was terrified, exhausted, hurt but most of all she was tired. Tired of the fighting. Tired of constantly repressing her heart. Tired of being Rayna James.

'Please just go...' Deacon didn't want to leave her like this, if he did it was just another example of all the other times he had abandoned her when she really needed it. _She wont ask me to stay, even if she wants me to. Oh Ray, what have we done. We've made such a mess of our life's._ Deacon felt compelled to stay but knew that staying would erupt in yet another fight and he didn't know how much more of this him or her could take. Rayna was already at her breaking point, it was visible to see. But he had things to say to her as well, there were things she needed to know. Even if she didn't want to act on it, she needed to know. He needed her to know. As he took a breath to begin speak he heard a familiar buzzing. _Stacy._ It was now 4:30am, as he took out his phone he had 13 texts and 4 missed calls from her. _God dammit._

 _'_ You really need to leave, I have rehearsal in a couple of hours and i'm sure Stacy will be wondering where you are. '

'Ray..'

' No Deacon, go.' She wouldn't even look at him. She couldn't. This argument was reminiscent of so many they had in the past and she just wanted it over. Deacon didn't want to fight her, she looked to fragile and it pained him to see her like this knowing that the cause was him. It was always him. Anytime he had seen Rayna upset, it was usually down to him. He was the common denominator to Rayna's sadness.

Just as he made his way to the door she spoke.

' I will always love you, that's just never not going to be true. But me and you, we are toxic. We destroy each other. I make you sick and you break my heart. And I cant do it Deacon. So please don't come back for me. Don't wait for me. Move on. Let me go.' And with that Rayna shut the door on him. On either side of the door they both broke. Rayna fell to the floor in floods of tears knowing that what she had just done may well have destroyed the biggest part of her life as well as breaking her own heart. Deacon felt as though someone had just ripped his heart from his body and threw it away. He felt empty inside. _Has she really just ended our whole relationship? Have I really lost her?_ Deacon couldn't decide if Rayna really was serious or just drunk and hurt but he knew now wasn't the time to find out. He needed to give her space to breath before he tried to even look at her. So space s what he would give her. They were on tour together so she would have to speak to him at some point. _This isnt over, we are not over. We will never be over._

… _..._

It had been three shows in three different cities, and the only time Deacon had seen Rayna was when she was on stage. Some how she had manage to completely evade him everywhere, her dressing room, hotels, tour buses .. everywhere. He couldn't find her unless she was on stage. No-one, not even Bucky would tell him where she was.

'Hey Buck can speak with you for a minute?'

' Hey, Deacon yeh sure. What's up?'

' Whats going on with Rayna?'

' What do you mean?'

' Well no one has seen her between sets, seems the only time anyone sees her is on stage.'

Just then Liam appeared.

' Correction Deacon, the only time you see her is on stage. The rest of us see her all the time. Oh I appreciate what you did the other night by the way. Good on you, really did yourself some good there.'

 _She told Liam. Really? Of all the people to tell she told him?! What is she doing?!_

'Back of Liam, this has nothing to do with you. Its between me and Rayna.'

' Not anymore its not, do us all a favour Deacon and stay away from her before you completely destory her.' And with that Liam made his way to the stage, Deacon watched waiting for Rayna to appear. To his surprise she entered the stage from the left wing. _She never comes on from the left. Ever._

 _'_ Hey, Y'all! How you all doing tonight?! It is so great to be back here in Nashville I tell you I have missed you guys! Anyway I wanted to try something a little different tonight if thats alright with you?' The crowd was electric, they loved Rayna and were with her all the way. Just as Liam began strumming at his guitar Rayna looked directly at Deacon.

' This is a song a wrote a **very, very** long time ago..'

As Rayna began singing it dawned on Deacon _, this is about me. This song is about me , she's singing this for me._ He had never heard of it before and so he intently listened to every lyric and watched the raw emotion that Rayna was displaying, just for him. It torn him inside. This is how she felt. _Does she feel like this now? Is she trying to get me to understand how she felt then, or how she feels now?_ Deacon had so many questions he needed the answers to but the only person who could answer them was avoiding him and so he made it his mission to speak to her after this show whether she liked it or not, he was telling her everything he felt and making her speak to him. _We are going to fix this. We've been through worse._ But until then he just listened.

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose

If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you

If you don't get drunk of my kiss

If you think you can do better than this

Then I guess we're done, lets not drag this on

Consider me gone

Consider me a memory, Consider me the past

Consider me a smile in an old photograph

Someone who used to make you laugh'

As Rayna finished the song , the crowd erupted. Everyone standing on their feet. Marshall Evans appeared behind Buck and Deacon.

'This is going to be huge Buck. She's back. The Queen of Country is back.'

 _Yeh nothing like a broken heart to get her back to the top Marshall._ Bucky knew that this could only end badly. Either for Deacon or Rayna and he had a feeling, it was Rayna who was going to hit rock bottom only this time she had no- one to help pick her back up.

Ok you guys so the next chapter to be uploaded is going to be the last one where you don't have any interaction between Rayna and Deacon I just need to set the scene for what's to come and trust me they will end up together but i'm trying to make this realistic, they have been through a lot. But I can say this is the last of the 'heartbroken' sad chapters for now ,next one is a bit agsty but fluff at the end! Stay tuned and as always please review!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey Guys! Back with another Update, just to say this is kind of a filler chapter just to set the scene for what is coming but we are about to get some major breakthroughs for our favourite couple. Again thanks to those of you who review, keeps me going. Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine only some of the story lines, all credit to Callie Khouri and the writers of Nashville. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Exhausted. That was how Rayna felt. The show hung heavy in Rayna's heart as she sat and wondered if Deacon understood what she had tried to tell him. _Does he know I never meant to hurt him? Does he understand what its like to watch the person you love disappear in front of you?_ Rayna was never a person to truly tell someone how she really felt, and she new deep in her heart that she would never truly let Deacon go. The love they had ran so deep it was in the core of her being and she knew it was in Deacons too. Rayna could only hope that with the tour now ending they could go their separate ways and try their best to move on. She didnt really want to, but Rayna knew that no matter how hard they worked at it, how committed they were, no amount of love or trying could salvage their tattered relationship there was simply too much hurt and pain that both of them had caused each other. But she couldn't erase him from her life, she wouldnt survive without Deacon. _Where do we go from here?_

Confused. That is how Deacon felt as he sat contemplating what his next move should be. That song had told him so much about just how much he had hurt her, he truly pushed her away all those years ago and the damage was permanent. _Do I speak to her? Do I phone her? Do I leave her? Do I just leave?_ Deacon had no idea what to do, like Rayna he couldn't imagine his life without her but he also didn't know how to move on with her in it. She was everywhere even when she wasn't. She was all over his house, his cabin , the studio, the magazines, the news, the TV... He would never be able to escape her. Nor did he want to. It was if they were in limbo, he knew she loved him and he loved her but every time, every single time they tried to be together they just caused each other damage. _Where do we go from here?_

… _..._

It had been six days since the tour ended. Six days since 'that' song. Six days since Rayna and Deacon had seen each other. Rayna had been miserable, trying to busy herself with things to do. Marshall had released the song as a live single and it had peeked at number one and the way the downloads were going it was going to stay there.

'Rayna, we need to release this album on the heels of this single'

'Marshall the album isn't finished, Liam is coming to the studio today but that is not nearly enough time to finish it. We still have one more song to cut.'

' Then cut it today Rayna or I'm releasing the album without it, your choice. '

 _Its all about the business and numbers, never about the music. I cant cut that song. That's me and Liam's song._

… _..._

 _'_ Hey! Get enough rest to finish this album?'

' Marshall called.'

' Yeh he did , said the deadline is tonight. You up for it? I brought us some liquid courage.'

' Some how I think that's not a good idea, remember the last time you and I had a drink together?'

' Look Rayna, I get it you and Deacon you have this complicated relationship. He's complicated but you know I'm not and I get you Rayna. I'm not saying lets get married but you know have some fun Ray.'

 _Ray. There it is again._ Some how Liam calling her 'ray' bugged her. Really bugged her.

' Can we please just get this over with?'

' Ok Rayna, business only.'

'Thank you.'

"Go away, bitter memory

You keep on bothering me , why wont you let me be

You make me cry, why wont you die, Go away bitter m- I cant do this I cant record this song.'

' Rayna that's the fifth time you've stopped, we need this finished tonight. What wrong with the song?'

' Its not the song... No actually ,you know what it is. There's no love song here. There's no ballad, there's no heart-break. That's country. Real country. This album needs a broken heart.'

' Well we have one right here..' Rayna stared at Liam , _is he talking about me?_ Rayna knew that she could write a broken heart song, but she also knew that the song would really just be another Deacon song. She was trying to forget, move on, get on with her life not wallow in her self pity.

'Rayna, you don't want to talk about Deacon fine. You don't want to talk about your broken heart fine. You want to shout at me fine, do it. But you and I both know that the only thing that is going to help you here is writing a song and the only person you can truly write a song with , is Deacon. So I'm going to go, I know when someone's heart belongs to someone else. Phone him. Write with him. And Rayna... Good Luck.' With that Liam collected his things and headed out before Rayna could think of a dignified response. _This is ridiculous. I can write a song without Deacon._ An hour later and she was still sitting there. No song. No nothing. _Dammit._

 _..._

Deacon was wide awake when he saw his phone light up, he wasn't going to answer it. The past six days he had been hovering around it anxiously waiting to see if she would call. He wasn't going to answer, but something somewhere told him he should take this call. Deacon's heart nearly burst from his chest when he saw her name..

' Rayna..'

' Hey Deacon, I know its late but I wanted to ask if you would maybe consider coming to the studio?'

' The studio?' This was definitely not how Deacon expected the phone call to go.

' Yeh , Marshall is on my ass about getting this album done tonight, I need to write one more song but I'm kind of at a loss. You were always better at it than me you know..' Deacon wondered why Liam wasn't there, why wasn't he helping Rayna write a song. He had helped her until now. Unless she didn't want to write a song. This was classic Rayna. making up an excuse to see him, to get him where she wanted so she bring something she wanted to talk to him about up in casual conversation.

' Um yeh , yeh sure ill be right down'

' Ok, thanks. I owe you. Bye.'

 _This is going to be interesting._

… _..._


	6. Chapter 6

Living alone here in this place  
I think of you, and I'm not afraid  
Your favourite records make me feel better  
Cause you sing along  
With every song  
I know you didn't mean to give them to me  
But you went away  
How dare you?  
I miss you  
They say I'll be ok  
But I'm not going to ever get over you

Deacon watched as Rayna's raw emotion was pouring out of her right in front of him. Rayna had a way of always captivating him when she sang. Like a sirens song, she sucked him in and it was deadly. _We are always going to be like this. Why wont she let me in?_ The love they shared was still ever present, as they had wrote the song their eyes had met several times and lingered. Deacon desperately wanted to know what was going on in her head but even he was too afraid to ask. Rayna could be so unpredictable.

' That's it, that's the one. I cant believe this album is finally finished. Thank you Deacon I couldnt have done this without you.'

' No problem Ray, happy to help.'

They both sat in silence staring at each other , both unsure of what to say or do. There was no doubt in Raynas mind that she should leave. _Right now, just get up and go. Move. Do it._

' Anyway I best be getting home, you know the girls and …'

' Yeh , yeh thats fine sure.. do you need a ride?'

' No no im, im good thanks..'

This is beyond awkward, there was an elephant in the room but neither of them knew what exactly it was they needed to talk about. Just as they were about to part way it happened..

'Deacon?'

Yeh ray ?

' I love you.'

They had said it a million times before, but for some reason this time felt different for Deacon. I was like Rayna could see into his soul and tell him what he needed to hear from her in that second. Deacon knew that he had to tread carefully with Rayna, she was like a deer in the woods. Move to fast and she's gone. Slowly he walked over to her and as he grew closer he could tell she was trembling. Deacon wanted so badly to touch her, hold her, kiss her , just be with her. But in the back of his mind he remembered something Coleman had told him years ago.

' You cant give her what she needs or wants, Rayna is your addiction Deacon. When your with her you on an high but the minute things get tough she has the ability to completely destroy you. You need someone new Deacon. A fresh start. No hurt, no pain , no years of back and forward. You deserve to be happy, but so does Rayna. All you do is hurt that girl, over and over again.'

Deacon new what he had to do and he new Rayna would never forgive him for this. But he needed to be with her one more time, he needed to love her one more time. And with that he moved to cup her face with his hand, instead of flinching or turning away Rayna moved her head to accommodate his hand. _Just do it Deacon, don't look at her._ Deacon had to be careful, Rayna could read him easily and if she got even a sniff of something not being right he would lose the moment forever. Deacon placed his forehead on hers, as he did she put both her hands on Deacons wrist, almost to steady herself. He looked deep into her eyes , and kissed her. Very slowly at first, waiting for her to respond. Ranya kissed him back, and as she did the kiss grew in passion. _Stop it, your getting carried away. Don't get lost in her._ Then suddenly without warning Deacon pulled away. Rayna stood emotionless , unsure of what was now going on.

'I'm sorry Ray, I cant do this.'

' What do you mean you cant do this?' _Just go deacon._ But Deacon knew he couldn't leave without giving her some kind of explanation, Rayna deserved that. _It doesn't matter what i to try to explain she wont go. She will fight you on this. Hurt her Deacon, hurt her to save her._

 _'_ I cant be with you Rayna...

' What are you talking about why?! ' _Don't do this Deacon. Don't do this to me again._ Rayna could feel her heart preparing to be shattered and she knew she should walk away before he had the chance.

' Ill always love you Ray but i'm not _in love_ with you anymore. I don't love you like that Ray. This thing between us ain't never going to happen , i'm moving on and I suggest you do the same.' With that Deacon took of towards his car, everything was a blur he could hear Rayna calling his name but he tuned it out. The sound of her heart breaking would break his demeanour. _I have to let you go Ray , i'm doing this because I love you._

Ranya watched as Deacon got in his car and drove of without even glancing back at her. _Do I really mean so little to him?_ Her mind was swirling with questions as she sat in her car outside the studio for what seemed like hours. She tried to phone him several times, but each time she did it went straight to voicemail. Unknown to Rayna, Deacon had blocked her number in a bid to stay away from her. So she did what she thought was best, drown out her sorrows in the bottle.

When Rayna got home, the girls were asleep and so was Tandy. Rayna made her way to the cupboard and collected a bottle of whiskey and proceeded now into her basement where she kept everything deacon had ever been involved with, whether that was records, songs, love letters , jewellery it was all down there. She had told Teddy she threw it all out but of course she could never do that.

Tandy wasn't exactly sure what had woke her up, but in any case she made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water when she noticed Rayna's phone and bag sitting on the counter. Tandy began looking around the house for her sister and as she wondered she heard a familiar tune coming from the basement. Tandy slowly made her way down the stairs to discover her sister. The scene that was unfolding completely broke Tandy's heart.. She watched as her sister cried into a letter she was reading whilst surrounded by ' Deacon Claybourne and Rayna James' memorabilia. Tandy then spotted t he bottle of whiskey that was near enough empty but had been full the previous day. _Aww baby, I knew this would happen._ Tandy felt sorry for her sister but also an overwhelming sense of anger towards Deacon and with that she phoned her father.

'Daddy..

' Tandy what time is it your phoning me now?'

' Daddy listen, he's done it again.

'I'll be right over.

Within ten minutes Lamar had appeared at Rayna's house.

' Im going over there daddy , look at her.'

' No Tandy, ill handle this. He has hurt her for the last time.'

As Lamar departed the household, Tandy made her way down into the basement to support her sister.

' Rayna …'

'Leave me alone Tandy

'No baby no …' Tandy made he way over to the floor where she cradled her broken sister as she kicked and shouted and screamed about the man she loved for 20 years and how he had single handily broken her heart.

There you go guys! Wonder what Lamar is going to get up to now! I wanted to explore Lamar as a Dad because I always loved how protective he got over Rayna despite their turbulent relationship.. Any let me know what you think and ill be back later with another update!


	7. Chapter 7

So this is a quick update to let you know why deacon has done what he did. I decided to go down a different path than originally intended, so bare with me while I get it back on track!

Deacon had contemplated going back to the bottle, but he knew that if he fell of the wagon this time he wouldn't recover. He had always had Rayna to pull him through, she was always the reason why he got sober. Just then Deacon heard a knock on the door.

'Lamar, what the hell are you doing here..'

' I came to thank you.'

' How bad is she?'

'Bad. Heartbroken , completely devastated. You did a good job..'

' I didnt do this for you , I did this to protect Rayna.'

' About time you started listening to me Deacon, i'm warning you this is the last time. Don't go near her, let her heal and let her move on.'

' You know she will try to find me, she will try to speak to me and she will never stop loving me.'

' She will learn to live with it, and you and I both know that if she found out about our little chat here she would never forgive you.'

' She will never forgive you either Lamar'

' I'm her Father, she doesn't have to forgive me. But after what's just happened I don't think she will ever forgive you anyway. Just stay away from her Deacon once and for all, or ill ruin you.'

Lamar left Deacon to mull over what he had done. Deacons decision to terminate any kind of relationship with Rayna was not his decision, it was Lamar's. But Lamar was right when he had come to see Deacon he had told Deacon that he would never be the man Rayna needed him to be and the best thing for the both of them was to break it off, Lamar knew Rayna wasn't strong enough to do it, nor would she have listened to him. But he new that Deacon loved Rayna enough not to put her through anymore heart ache and thus agreed to lay the relationship with her to rest. Deacon knew this would be a fight that he would endure every day, not to phone her and tell her the truth. But he couldn't. He knew how much Rayna hated her father being involved in her business let alone her love life and she would never forgive him for 1) not telling her about Lamar's threats to ruin him if he didn't break it off with Rayna and 2) for actually going along with it and crushing her heart. Only it was crushing him too. Rayna is and always will be the love of Deacons life, whether he is with her or not. Only now was deacon seriously regretting his decision, but now it was too late the damage was done and anymore contact with Rayna would only cause more hurt and damage that she didnt deserve. _She deserves to be happy. Let her be happy. Give her a chance. Let her go. Just let her go._

' Hey Sie , yeh its Deacon. About that offer you made me? I think I wanna take it.'

Ok so the next chapter is going to be a time jump, to set the scene Deacon has been on tour with the Rebel Kings, while Rayna has been working on a brand new album after her album with Liam charted at number one. So to put this in perscpective neither of them have spoke to each other or seen each other since that night. Also, Deacon is single but has been sleeping with a string of women and Rayna is beginning to kinda/sorta date Luke. The next chapter features the CMA's – rayna and luke are not engaged but have done the song together. Also in this story maddie isn't deacons daughter because in my opinion I don't think anyone would be able to get over being betrayed like that.


	8. Chapter 8

So just to clarify the time frame for this and to set the scene. This is several months after the incident at the studio where Deacon left Rayna. After leaving her, he immediately went on tour with the Rebel Kings, now he is back for the CMA's as the band is nominated for several awards against Rayna, Luke and several other country music stars. Also, Deacon isn't over Rayna but he also doesn't know that Rayna and Luke have somewhat became an item, the CMA's is their first official appearance as a couple. Rayna's album with Liam charted at number one, her duet with Luke was number one and her newest album is at number one. Luke and Rayna are not engaged, but Luke is very serious about Rayna. So you will just have to read to find out what drama unfolds at the CMA's.

Rayna stood in front of her mirror and analysed every inch of herself. Her hair was a good height, big enough for country's biggest night of the year without looking unnatural, make-up was flawless no too much to cake her but enough to make her look radiant. The dress. It was beautiful. Strapless, ivory , gold embellished, body con with a train. It showed every curve Rayna had. She knew she looked beautiful but she couldn't' help feeling uneasy about the night. Before her thoughts could wander anymore, she heard a knock.

'Come in..'

' Hey Darlin'...Wow. I mean wow , am I not just the luckiest guy in world? You look beautiful.'

' Thank you babe, I'm just deciding what jewellery to wear then we can go.'

' About that, I bought you something. I mean you don't have to wear it but Tandy said it would go great with your dress and I cant help but agree..' _Of course Tandy said that, she's been pushing this thing since day one._

 _'_ Here,' Luke presented Rayna with a Cartier box and inside was a gold bracelet incrusted with diamonds and a pair of matching diamond earrings. _They are beautiful, and expensive._

' Luke I …'

' Not a word , I wanted to get you something that was as beautiful as you..'

' I don't know what to say they are beautiful..

' Just say you'll wear them and that's enough for me'

' Of course I will, thank you!' With that Luke took the bracelet out and placed it delicately on Rayna's wrist and proceeded to place the earrings in for her. He then leant in close to kiss her shoulders and hold her. Luke loved being this guy, Rayna's guy. He had always waited for her to be done with Deacon so that she could actually be happy and this was his chance. _She's perfect. Just perfect._

' Tonight's the night, you nervous?'

' Why would I be nervous? You and I both know Luke that I'm winning the awards' Rayna teased, well aware that was not what he was referring to.

' Rayna, you know what I mean.'

' I know, no I'm not nervous. You've been a very patient man, I think its about time everyone knows.'

' I'm glad you think so' Truth be told Rayna was unbelievably nervous about tonight, she had not long told the girls. Daphne was thrilled and Maddie, not so much. Now the whole world was bout to discover country's newest couple. Just as Rayna was preparing to leave Tandy asked her if she might have a quick word, Luke nodded and said he would wait in the car for her.

' Tandy what is going on?'

' I didn't know whether to tell you or not but I didn't want you to be blindsided.'

'Tandy would you please just spit it out I really haven't got time for this, I would rather get there early so all the commotion of me and Luke can die down.'

' Deacons going to be there.'

' What?'

' It was a last minute change of plan, because of Daddies pull in the industry we got a heads up. But there's nothing that can be done now I just thought you should know. He's going with the-'

' Yeh I know who he is going with. Thanks for letting me know.'

' Rayna are- '

'I'm fine Tandy, have a good night.'

 _Crap._

… _..._

 _'_ Deacon! You ready?'

'Yeh man I'm good to go.'

'Hey man , I just wanted to let you know that Rayna is going to be there. I know you guys haven't spoke but I just thought you should know.'

 _Of course she is going to be there, she is nominated. Stay away from her. Just stay away Deacon._

 _'_ You cool man?'

' Yeh. Yeh I'm great.' Deacon was lying through his teeth and everyone knew it, he was nervous as hell and seriously anxious about the whole event. How was he supposed to avoid her? Every consecutive year Deacon had watched the CMA'S , Rayna was always the star of the show. Everyone wanted to speak to her, photograph her. The camera was constantly on her. Everyone would cheer for her. How was he suppose to pretend she didn't exist, especially when she would be on stage right in front of him. _This is going to be a long night._

… _..._

Deacon was answering a series of questions from various interviewers about the upcoming album and potential full membership of the Rebel Kings , however his concentration was broken when all the cameras and interviewers fled to the beginning of the red carpet. _She's here._

' LUKE, LUKE WHOS YOUR DATE? LUKE!'

Deacon watched as Luke opened the passenger door, unaware of the speculation leading up to this event regarding Luke's potential date prospect.

' Hey, what is everyone so excited about?'

' Dude are you kidding? Everyone has been gossiping about 'Ruke' becoming official tonight, if its Rayna coming out of that car we have country's newest golden couple.' Deacon stood for a moment dumbfounded , how had he not heard of this. _' Ruke' what the hell was that,, it certainly wasn't Rayna. She hated anything to do with stuff like that. It wasn't Ray._ Deacon watched as Luke opened the door and a slender sun kissed leg with golden Jimmy Choos stepped out, as his gaze drifted he took in the sight before him. She looked stunning. Completely and utterly stunning. Like a moth to flame his eyes caught hers, only for a moment. _Did she see me?_ Deacon had no idea if Rayna had glanced that way or had he actually exchanged eye contact with her.

...

' So Luke, Rayna.. dare I ask if you two are an item?'

' Well, if you asked I might just have to tell you the answer is yes, This lovely lady has become the light of my life gentlemen.'

' Rayna! Rayna! You look incredible, glowing even. Who are you wearing?'

' I'm wearing Ellie Saab.'

' Its gorgeous, and the jewels?' Luke was having a glance at everyone around him when his eyes latched on to Deacon, he wanted to make sure Deacon knew that Rayna was his woman now. Rayna wasn't Deacon's girl anymore, she was Luke's.

' Well, as a matter of fact her jewellery was bought by me as a little pre-celebration for tonight. It Cartier. Ain't that right darlin?'

' It is indeed.'

'Rayna, what do you think it will be like being country's new golden couple?' Rayna was getting increasingly agitated by all these 'Ruke' related questions, both Luke and Deacon could tell. However Rayna was never a star to be rude.

'Well if I'm honest I'm more focused on the amazing achievements in music this year and I'm excited to see who is honoured tonight. I'm more than humbled at my nominations and Mm rooting for my man obviously.' As Rayna said this she unconsciously gazed at Deacon.

 _'_ Luke, is it at all awkward being nominated against your-'

'Against my other half , my better half you would say. No not at all we are both pros at this and support each other fully. Now if that's all folks we would like to get inside. I can foresee a lot of standing for this one tonight.' With that Luke made sure to intertwine his fingers with Rayna's as they walked away to be photographed hand in hand. As they stood being photographed, consciously Luke made every possible move to clarify to Deacon that him and Rayna were more than a publicity stunt. Rayna was trying her best to fight the urge to look at Deacon and instead focused on the cameras. Luke's actions were enticing the crowd as he wrapped his arm around Rayna's waist, placed his hand on the small of her back , nearing her ass.

'KISS. KISS. KISS. KISS.'

Without warning Luke placed his hand on Rayna's face and gently kissed her, the cameras ate it. Snap upon Snap. Rayna by this point had , had enough of Luke announcing his ownership and marking his territory and as they entered the building she took it upon her self to go to the bar to get a drink. _This is going far from how I planned_. Unaware that Deacon had been watching her the entire time. In fact from the moment she had exited the car , he had not taken his eyes of her at all. _She's upset.. she never drinks at these things._

'Deacon.. as a friend I'm telling you man let her go.'

' Sie I'm not-'

'Dude, please.'

'She's not ok. There is something wrong with her. She's not happy.'

'With all due respect mate, from what you told me. You left her. So its not your business anymore, you don' have a right.'

…...

So far Rayna had won four of the six awards she had been nominated for; Female vocalist of the year; Single of the Year, Album of the year and Song of the year. The next award was for Vocal Group of the year. _Deacons award._ Rayna was thankful she had turned down the opportunity to present this award previously in the year, however she was still presenting Male Vocalist of the year following this award and a break.

'And the award for Vocal Group of the Year , goes to... The Rebel Kings.'

There was an eruption from the crown and Rayna couldn't help but be filled with pride and happiness for Deacon. _He has waited so long for this. He truly deserves this._ Deacon had been watching Rayna the whole event and this was no exception, she looked as though she may begin to tear up as she frantically clapped her hands in excitement. Part of Deacon felt relieved at her reaction, she was happy for him. Honestly happy for him.

Luke was not impressed. He had not been impressed the entire night ever since Rayna's 3rd win. He sat next to the filler as he watched her seemingly glide across the floor. When he looked at her, he couldn't help but let his heart soften and let the anger dissipate. _This isn't her fault._ _She didn't ask for these awards. She didn't choose them._ She's _earned them._

'Hey y'all, I am just thrilled to be here tonight and to be presenting this award. It truly is an honour to be amongst such hallowed company, but this next award is just for them guys. So let me so the great pleasure of introducing the nominees; Brad Paisley , Blake Shelton, Will Lexington, Gunnar Scott and of course Luke Wheeler.' After Rayna read out Luke's name the crowd erupted with cheers and wolf whistles.

'Alright ya'll settle down, the winner of this years Male Vocalist of the Year goes to.. Luke Wheeler!' Luke was more than ecstatic that he had won, but also that Rayna was presenting the award to him. As he made his way to accept the award he stopped to firmly plant a kiss on Rayna's lips.

' Well I am truly, truly honoured to be nominated against my fellow nominees, and I'm overwhelmingly happy to receive this award from this special little lady. So I want to say thank you to ya'll who support me and help throughout the year. I couldn't do this without you . And I want to say a special thank you to my family for supporting me also, and finally to Ms James here, who single handily melted my heart. God bless you all. Thank you.'

…...

It was the final award of the night. The biggest award. The one everyone nominated really wanted to win. Entertainer of the Year. Both Rayna and Luke had been nominated, currently Rayna had five awards as both her and Luke accepted the award for the Musical Event of the year .

' Well can I just say that I am so anxious to find out the winner as each nominee has truly had an outstanding year. But the award can only be given to one and so the winner of Entertainer of the year goes to … well ill be damned Ms Rayna James!' Rayna wanted to be happy about her success, she was proud of the work she had done this year. However as she stood up and turned to Luke expectantly, Luke simply smiled and gave her a brief hug. She understood he was disappointed but surely he could find it in him to be happy for her to a certain extent, however as Rayna pulled away from him she caught the distinct smell of aged scotch. _He's been drinking. He's drunk._ Rayna walked away towards the stage attempting desperately to shield her rage and frustration from the cameras , she couldn't believe that the night had resulted in a competition and a bitter loser on the part of her 'Boyfriend'.

Deacon watched as Rayna pounded her heels into the floor. He knew that walk. She was pissed. Real, real pissed. Subsequently Deacon turned his attention to Luke who had stood up , clearly preparing himself to leave. _Oh no, your not doing that to her. She earned this._

 _'_ Sit down'

What the hel- Deacon? What in gods name do you think your doing?

'Protecting Rayna from the embarrassment she would face when the camera looks to you for emotional support and all they find is a empty chair because your to busy getting wasted as a result of being bitter about losing rather than supporting her. That's already happened to her once. I wont let it happen to her again. So sit down, shut up and support her. She's earned this.' With that Deacon got up and returned to his seat. Leaving Luke to ponder on what Deacon had just told him.

' I just want to say I'm so incredibly in awe of this, I cannot thank ya'll enough. From the bottom of my heart I thank you!'

Back stage Rayna wholeheartedly expected to be greeted by representatives from the label and officials of the association instead she found Luke.

'Baby, im sorry. I shouldnt have acted like this. I should have been cheering you on the way you cheered me on.' Rayna gave a brief smile to those around her and continued to walk by him , fully aware that he was following her but unaware that she had walked within ear shot of Deacon. Deacon stood close enough to hear what was going on, but not close enough to be spotted.

' Baby please..'

' No , don t 'Baby' me .. I knew how much tonight meant for you and I tried Luke, I really truly tried for you. You made me feel guilty for the fact I won these awards! I have no control of this!'

By this point Luke's alcohol was setting in big time..

' Huh , yeh well I'm sure Wyatt industries had nothing to do with this..' He had attempted to mutter under his breath unaware that Rayna could hear every word.

' Excuse me?'

' Rayna I don't want to argue with you ok, i'm sorry I wasn't supportive ok. Can you please stop being pissed at me now? This is supposed to be a good night.'

' Yeh your right, except that's not why i'm pissed. Your drunk. Why would you do that? Why would drink on a night like this? Why would you do that to me?'

Deacon could feel a blowout coming. He knew when Rayna was on the edge and he could feel her rage growing, it wouldn't be long before she started shouting at which point he knew he was going to have to take her out of the situation.

' Oh I see what's going on now. Deacon. It always comes back to Deacon doesn't it Rayna? Just because I got drunk doesn't mean I was going to run off and pass out somewhere while you spent the whole night looking for me and missing your awards, i'm not Deacon I wouldn't do that to you. When are you going to accept that you were nothing but an object to him? Something to pass the time till he got drunk or wanted a little intimate attention?'

' How dare you?! You have no idea what went on in that relationship- don't you dare try and re-write history, you narcissistic asshole!'

 _That's it. I've had enough No one speaks to her like that and certainly does not try to underestimate my feelings for her._

 _'_ That song that won you that award is great but lets face it Rayna , you could never truly do music on your own that's the only reason you fought so hard for him-' Rayna couldn't believe some of the things she was hearing. Luke new where to hurt her, deeply. Everyone knew that any argument they had with Rayna, it was an unspoken rule that Deacon not be used against her. It was too raw. Just then as Rayna was on the edge of breaking Deacon came from around the corner standing in front of her.

' Come on Ray, your leaving.'

' Woah woah, what the hell so you think your doing Deacon? Me and Rayna are having a conversation that is none of your concern. So if you don't mind I would like to go back to speaking to my girlfriend'

' Girlfriend ?! Really , because look at how upset she is and if you cant see it, then well you really don't know her at all. Back off and let her go'

' Why so you can swoop in safe the day and then what Deacon? Abandon her? Devastate her ? Again? You know did you ever really care about her or did you just use her to fulfil your 'needs'?!'

Before Luke could anticipate what was happening Deacons fist collided with Luke's hand. As Luke fell to the floor he watched as Deacon grabbed Rayna's arm and dragged her out of the room, despite her protests.

To be continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Continuation from last chapter, just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has kept with this story and for those of you who have a reviewed an extra thank you. Your feedback keeps me inspired. Also this is just a quick update to tie everyone over until I have more time to write. Review please and thanks an bunch!

The entire ride home Rayna remained quiet. Deacon kept looking over in hopes she would say something but not a single sound came from her. He was desperate for her to say something, but he knew that he had hurt her. The last time they spoke he was pummelling her heart into the ground and that was the last thing he remembered. It was no wonder she wasn't speaking to him , she couldn't be more distant if she wanted to. Rayna sat at the very edge of the seat, while staring out of the window. The very last thing she wanted was to to be in close proximity to Deacon Claybourne, because as much as he had devastated her those month ago she was still draw to him. Rayna could feel it. She longer just to hold him. That's when she knew she wasn't over him.

'Rayna.. say something. Anything. Shout, scream , yell just say something please' _No. You don't get anything from me ever again._ Rayna was stubborn and strong willed with everything, except Deacon.

'Let me out' Rayna couldn't take it anymore. This was becoming unbearable and she didn't think she could hold on much longer.

'What-'

'LET ME OUT OF THE CAR NOW!' Before Deacon could even think Rayna was trying to open the door.

' Rayna stop it!'

' Just let me go, please, Please Deacon just let me go. I can't do this. Your killing me, please just stop.' Rayna broke. Pure and simple. She couldn't contain it anymore. Her Heart had, had enough. Deacon quickly pulled over, ensuring that the door remained locked so she couldn't dive out and disappear. Not that she could go anywhere they were in the middle of nowhere. Deacon had planned to take Rayna to the cabin to let her calm down, it was in sight but a good half hour walk. Watching Rayna's wall collapse, broke Deacons heart. All he could do was watch as the woman he had loved for 22 years completely crumbled.

' Rayna ..'

'No, don't say a word. Don't apologise, don't "explain" anything. Just don't.'

' I never meant to hurt you Rayna, believe me it wasn't my choice.'

'HA! You have a damn funny way of showing it. WHY? Why would you ever, ever do that to me?! Do you even care? Is Luke right have you ever cared about me?!

Deacon couldn't believe he was listening to this, _how can she even think that?_

' Of course I care about you , dammit Rayna I love you! I've always loved you! I will never stop loving you! And as much as we fight this thing between us , its just ever going to go away. God I wish it would because we have done so much harm to each other over the years but no matter what I do, no matter what you do, we always end up back here. Always. Even when you were married, even with Liam, Stacy, Luke. None of them matter, nothing matters. Because at the end of the day I love you . That is the truth. Do with that what you will but know this, I never wanted to do what I did that night at the studio. I didn't have a choice, ask your father. '

' My father..'

' He orchestrated the entire thing, if I didn't end it with you Lamar was going to destroy everything. Your label, my records, your new album. He was going to take it all. He blackmailed me into leaving you . Said something about you deserving someone better. And I agreed. Rayna I always wanted to be better for you and your girls. I wanted to be clean for you , I got clean for you. But it was never enough for him. I know you never saw me like that but you father did. Lamar wanted what was best for you and he didn't think I was it. He knew I would do anything to protect you and so he threatened everything in order to end it. But you know what I dont give a damn. Lose it all for all I care but you need to know I love you and I never wanted any of this to ever happen to you.'

Just as Deacon finished, Rayna took of in direction of the cabin. She ran and ran and ran. What was she running from? Deacon? Her life? The truth?

By the time Deacon got to the cabin after Rayna he already new what he was going to walk in on. As he approached the front door he could hear the smashing. Deacon walked into the cabin to find every picture of them smashed, every record broken and she was still going. Deacon could see it in her eyes , she wasn't angry. Rayna was hurt and the only person she had ever taken being hurt out on was Deacon. He quickly ran and grabbed her wrist before she had a chance to smash the last remaining picture of him and her from his birthday. He didn't care how upset she was that picture held a tremendous amount of memories for him. It was the night he had discovered that after twelve years of marriage to Teddie Conrad , Rayna still loved him.

Rayna continued to protest as Deacon grabbed her other wrist because now Deacon was Rayna's target. _She's gotten stronger that's for sure._

'No Rayna'

' Let me go, LET GO!'

'Rayna, STOP!'

They sat heavily breathing into one another as the fighting and protesting stopped. Rayna glanced up to gaze into Deacons eyes. _That's not lies or betrayal. That's love . That's real love._ Before Deacon could comprehend what was happening, Rayna's lips where on his. Desperately searching for him to respond. Deacon knew they needed to talk but at that moment all he needed was Rayna and Rayna needed him. They needed each other to know that was going to work out, everything was going to be ok. They were going to heal each other, because really the only people that could heal Rayna and Deacon ,were in fact Rayna and Deacon.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey you guys! I'm honestly over the moon that you are all enjoying this so much, I'm really enjoying writing it. I'm keeping the drama for now purely because that's what keeps us all glued to the show! If it was all happy families all the time no one would watch. I'm in the process of writing the next update so it should be up shortly. Disclaimer: all credit of the characters goes to Callie Khouri, nothing is my own apart from the story line thus far. ENJOY AND REVIEW!

Deacon didn't want to stop, but he could feel her tears on his cheek. _She's crying._ Deacon wasn't quite sure what was going on, or how she was feeling at this moment. But Rayna was in no way stopping what was happening as she began to unbutton his shirt. Deacon wanted this. Lord knows he wanted this, he had for such a long time craved Rayna. The touch of her skin. Her kiss. Somehow Deacon couldn't shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him to stop. _She's not in the right frame of mind. Don't do something she will regret._ Deacon needed to make sure Rayna really wanted this because she loved Deacon. Not because she was hurt or angry. Deacon knew that if Rayna was doing this to take her mind of her actual feelings, she would regret it in the morning. She would hate herself and equally so she would hate Deacon for letting her do it. _No, I cant do this without knowing how she really feels._

Rayna didn't want to stop, because stopping meant thinking and thinking meant feelings and feelings meant talking. None of which she wanted to do, however she could feel Deacon's hesitation. He was over thinking it. Again. Every single time him and Rayna ended up like this as a result of a fight, Deacon would over think it. He would run over the possible repercussions and then try to determine the likely hood of them occurring. Rayna didn't want to stop, she wanted to act she didn't want to talk. Rayna needed something to happen to her that felt normal. That felt like home. Deacon, the cabin, her girls. That was what felt like home. The more he pulled away, the more she pressed forward. Rayna was not going to let him stop her, and with that she began unbuttoning his shirt. She didn't even know she was crying until Deacon placed his hands on her wrists, thus stopping her from continuing.

'Ray..'

' Deacon please' He hated when she did that to him. It was hard for him to resist.. Deacon might have caved if she had looked at him but Rayna couldn't even bring herself to look at him.

' Rayna look at me, tell me you want this?'

' I want this!'

' Tell me you want us, like this?'

' Deacon..'

' Tell me your not using me because your hurt? That you wouldn't do that to me? You wouldn't do that to us?'

' You know what Deacon just forget about it, give me my phone.' Rayna's common sense was kicking in as she glanced up and took in her surroundings. _I shouldn't be here. This was a bad idea. Pull away now._

' Why?'

' So I can call a cab, I'm going home.' Rayna needed to get out of there, this was the same cycle Tandy had warned her about.

' Rayna speak to me.' Deacon knew something was going on in her head. _She's confused._ Rayna always fought a battle inside herself about what her head said against what her heart wanted. Deacon recognised the look on her face, she was preparing to flee to avoid the impending conversation. Only this time Deacon had no intent on letting her go. _Not this time, we are facing this even if it destroys us._

' I cant! How can I speak to you?'

'How can I tell you that the reason I'm hurting is because of you? How can I tell you I wanted you so badly I fell asleep crying every night since you left me there?' There it was. The months of hurt and despair at his departure laid out on the table for him to see.

' Rayna I told you why I did it! You don't think I was hurting?! You don't think I wanted to be with you! Do you have any idea how devastating it was to watch you and Luke tonight, I mean Luke Wheeler! Jesus, Rayna I don't even understand why we are arguing. I love you , you love me. Its that's simple.' Deacon knew it wasn't simple. Anything but simple, he and Rayna had always be 'complicated' to say the least. But he had to say something to coax a reaction from her. The only way Rayna ever broke her wall of silence was when her buttons got pushed. Deacon knew all the right buttons.

' It's not that simple! Love isn't enough! Sorry isn't enough!'

' Then what do you want?!I get clean, you get married. I say I love you , you walk away-' All Deacon was now recalling was the countless times he had watched Rayna turn her back on him out of fear that he would break her.

' Don't you dare act like this is my fault! You were a drunk! I cant wait for you-

' That what people who are in love do Rayna, they wait for each other.' Deacon was at his wits end, he wanted all cards laid out on the table. If she really wanted to be with him then she would listen and do what he was about to say and if she didn't she would leave and he would let her go this last time. But deep in his heart he believed he knew Rayna, he knew her heart.

'Now I'm going to say this and I'm only going to say it once so listen close. I am in love with you Rayna James. I have always been in love with you and I always will be till the day I die. And I will wait for you. I know we have hurt each other but there ain't nothing we haven't got through babe. I know this is going to take time and so I'm going to wait. Wait until your ready. And when you are, you come and find me.'

'Deacon-

' No, I'm done playing this cat and mouse game Rayna. I want you and you want me. You cant lie about that to me or to you , hell you cant even convince _him_ of it. I know your going to fight this. But eventually your going to see, the way that I have, that Rayna we are meant to be. Me, you and the girls. That's the life we are suppose to have. So you can go and I wont stop you, but you remember where I am and when your ready come back to me.'

…...


	11. Chapter 11

I want to stress that this fic will end with Rayna and Deacon, I just was to explore a couple of things that I think the show didn't fully look into. Rest assured that Rayna and Deacon will be together but they both have to be in the right time and place for it to happen without interferences by others.

'So what are going to do?' Tandy was worried about Rayna. She had watched her sister heart break a hundred times over and she could see it was about to happen again. The last thing anyone wanted for Rayna was for her to go through more pain and heartache.

' You know, Luke has called you like a thousand times. Plus where do you think all these flowers came from?'

' I know Tandy, I just need to sort out my head before I speak to him. I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.' It had been a week since the night of the CMA's both Deacon and Luke had been trying to get in contact with Rayna, but she promptly ignored their calls and texts in a bid to sort her thoughts and feelings.

' Do you even know what the right thing is?'

' You know what at this point maybe nether of them. I mean its not really a either or situation.' Rayna's head really had been all over the place, the girls were at their fathers and so she had spent the last couple of days mulling over every detail of her relationship with both Deacon and Luke.

' Now that would be a real shame. You want my opinion?'

' I'm sure your going to give me it anyway..'

' If you decide for whatever reason that you don't want to be with Luke.. fine you will have your reasons. But for the love of god Rayna, I'm begging you to not go back to Deacon. Its so typical of him to jump in and hold you back just as your about to take off.' It wasn't that Tandy didn't like Deacon, she liked him fine. When Deacon was good, he was fantastic with Rayna. But when he was bad, he was soul destroying to her. Tandy didn't want her sister to be with someone that had the potential to obliterate her sister.

' You know Daddy was blackmailing him..'

'What-' Tandy couldn't believe Deacon had told her but then again it wasn't such a giant surprise. Deacon always did have a problem keeping things from Rayna. This is all made perfect sense why Rayna was seriously considering taking him back. _Dammit Deacon, you just couldn't stop yourself._

' Yeh, Daddy was going to destroy my music and Deacon's if he didn't end it.. You know I just don't know what to do. I mean I have loved that man for a very long time. But Luke I mean he is, a clean slate..'

' Rayna listen to me... This thing between you and Deacon it is NEVER going to end. I know you want closure so that if you do decide on being with Luke you know it will be finished but honey that's never going to happen. The thing between you and Deacon runs deep and it goes back a long, long time. Your holding on to that. You need to let it go. Let go of the past, I know its hard because its part of you but babe you need to move on.' Some of what Tandy was saying, was ringing true to Rayna. She knew that one way or the other this thing with her and Deacon would never end. _Do I want it to end? Do I want him cut out of my life?_ But did she really want to always be looking back at the pain and grief they had caused each other.

'Hey, yeh I know its been awhile. Can you come over I need to speak to you about something? Ok great. Thanks.'

Now all Rayna had to do was pray that the decision she was in the process of making was the right one.


	12. Chapter 12

Where you going?' Scarlett was worried about her uncle, all he done the past week was wallow in self pity, not shower, barely eat and write some truly beautiful music. Then again he always did when he was heartbroken. It was like Deacon was unable to articulate his feelings face to face so he would use music to do it instead. It was romantic in a way and a flaw as well. It meant that more often than not Deacon couldn't day what he needed face to face.

' I got somewhere I need to be.' Deacon needed to get out before Scarlett asked anymore questions. _This girl really is a pain in my ass._ But he truly did love her like a daughter. Deacon often found himself wondering how things would have been if he had never been a drunk. Maybe him and Rayna would have kids and a family of their own. Growing old together, at the cabin. These thoughts were bitter sweet to him, the comforted him in a way but also served as a stark reminder of how he had destroyed that possibility.

' No way I am letting you go without explaining to me what the hell happened the other night and where you are going now. I've been patient, you know waiting for you to tell me in your own time but clearly that ain't working. So come one tell me what's going on.. I know its about Rayna' Of course it was about Rayna. It was always, always, always about Rayna. Scarlett swore the only time she had ever seen Deacon cry was about Rayna. He would take a bullet for her. Literally, he would die for her , he loved her that much. It destroyed him. It destroyed Rayna too. Their love was dangerous if it wasn't handled properly. That's probably why everyone fought so hard to keep them apart.. Their love for each other could kill them. In saying that, Scarlett though about the few times they had managed to be together. _They were so happy. Beyond happy. They were delirious._ Deacon and Rayna, they made people believe in true love. because when it was good, Good Lord, it was great.

'Scarlett I really need to go, I promise ill explain everything later ok? I promise.'

' Ok, ok fine go but Deacon? Be careful. For both of you.' Scarlett recalling the times in her head that Rayna had broke Deacon and vice versa, they knew what button to hit to hurt each other. Deacon would comment about her singing, her dad, her sister and how she left him. Rayna would bring up how he was a drunk, how he let her down, how broke everything he touched, and how she needed to move on. Dangerous. That's what they were, dangerous. Deacon appreciated Scarlett's concern for his emotional well being, but that wasn't his concern at the moment. Someone he loved really needed him right now.

…...

' Hey..'

'Hey..'

' So.. I haven't heard from you in a while. I'm sorry Rayna for everything. Really I am. I-'

' I forgive you. I'm tired of looking into the past, I just want to live in the present and look towards the future. Our future.' Rayna wasn't sure if she was saying this to convince him or to convince herself.

' Your serious?' He could hardly believe his ears. After everything he had done , this woman was willing to take him back. _She's the one for me._

' Yes, I've done a lot of thinking this past week and I love you and the man you've always been to me. I want this. I want us.' _You want this. You want him. Don't be stupid. Don't over think it._

' You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that! I love you Rayna James and I've waited a lifetime for this.'

 _No, No, this isn't how this is supposed to happen. How can she do this? I can't believe she would do this. How could you do to that to him?_

Before Rayna had a chance to say anymore she heard her front door slam. _Good Lord._ Rayna didn't have to look very far or think too much to realise what had just happened. _Crap. Crap. Crap._

… _..._

 _'_ Deacon!'

' Hey sweetheart, what's all the rush , what's going on you sounded awfully upset on the phone?' Deacon could see how upset Maddie was, but it wasn't just upset, she looked disappointed or angry.

' Its mom.' Deacon's heart was going a mile a minute. _Rayna. Is she ok? What has she done?_

 _'_ What's wrong Maddie?' Just then Deacon's phone started ringing. _Rayna._

 _'_ Don't answer it. Please don't or she will come and get me with _him.' Him._ Just then it clicked in Deacon's mind what might have happened but he needed to hear it. He needed to know for sure what was going on before his heart made any decisions about how it was going to feel.

' Maddie, darling, I need you to tell me what's going on or I'm going to have to call your mom.'

' She picked him! She picked Luke! She told him she loved him and she wanted a future with him! She doesn't love him, she's not supposed to! She was supposed to pick you! She was supposed to love you! ' Deacon felt as though every ounce of hope he had clung to had been ripped from him , leaving him standing in an abyss with a knife through his heart. He wanted to shout, scream , break things, cry and even drink. _Maddie._ The voice inside him told him he needed to keep it together for this broken hearted child in front of him who looked to him expectedly.

' Maddie darling. You momma will have her reasons and we need to respect them' Deacon didn't want to respect them. He wouldn't believe anything she said. _She's scared._ The only reason Rayna could possibly not pick Deacon is because she was terrified. Rayna didn't love Luke. _She doesn't._ The only person in the world that knew Rayna, who would believe she loved Luke, was in fact Luke.

 _'_ I wanted it too be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.' Maddie truly was crushed. It wasn't that she didn't like Luke, he was fine but he wasn't Deacon. It killed Maddie to know that her mom, who she loved to the moon and back, was making a decision that she was going to have to live with for the rest of her life. A decision, Maddie knew, would only make her content.

' Me too sweet girl, me too.' Just then Maddie grabbed Deacon and he embraced her as they shared the moment, both broken hearted. However Deacon's phone began to ring again. The last thing he wanted was to speak to Rayna but this was her daughter and he had a feeling Maddie had just disappeared, like she did when she found out about Teddy and Peggy. _Exactly like Rayna. Running when things get tough._

'Maddie.. does your mom know where you are?'

' Deacon please I don't want to go back there!' Maddie loved her mom, but at this moment she hated her. She hated what she was doing to the people around her that loved her. Including Luke.

' Darling as much as I would love to keep you here, your mom is going to be worried sick. You know she loves you more than anything or anyone in the world. I remember the first time you walked , man you should have seen how proud she was of you. She couldn't stop crying.' Deacon saw a small smile peak across Maddie's face. It was true nothing mattered more to Rayna than her girls. Not a thing. It was something he always admired about her, she was a great mom.

' Your going to call her back aren't you?'

' Yeh sweetheart, yeh I am.' Maddie nodded and leaned into Deacon, all she wanted was to be comforted and told everything was going to work out. But she knew in her heart this was just the start of what was going to be a long, long year.

…...

' It's Deacon.'

' Hello?'

' Hey Ray..

' Deacon have you seen Maddie? She left the house without a word, she isn't answering her phone. I have no idea where she is..' Rayna's voice began to break as worry clouded her thoughts. She was in panic mode. Nothing mattered at that moment but finding her daughter.

' She's with me..'

' She's what?'

' She's with me Ray, she's upset and came here to speak to me. She's been here for a while.'

' Why didn't you call me?! What is she thinking?! I'm coming over. ' Rayna was furious. _Why in the name of Christ would he not tell me she was there?!_ Then it dawned on her.

' Rayna-' Before Deacon had a chance to say anymore Rayna had hung up the phone. Rayna didn't want to hear anymore she figured Maddie had already told Deacon what she had heard. Whatever that was.

' I'm coming with you' Luke had just got the woman of his dreams back, to hell if he was going to lose her again to the likes of Deacon Claybourne. Luke knew all about Rayna and Deacon. Everyone in the country music circuit did. ' That's deacon's girl', his friends all told him. Luke didn't care, Rayna picked him. She chose him over Deacon. She loved him.

' Luke I don't think its a good idea. Maddie is upset I think she heard our conversation. She's had this fantasy about me and Deacon getting back together.'

' Rayna, this is exactly why I should come. Both of them will see us together and then maybe it will be easier for Maddie to come to terms with it and maybe just maybe Deacon will finally get that your moving on.' _I doubt that._ Rayna knew fine well this was going to take several attempts to get Deacon to back off. _He won't go that easily._

 _'_ Ok, but if tensions rise we leave. I don't want Maddie to see anything. She's already upset. '

' Ok , come on babe.'

So tell me what you think guys!


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